I figured something out... logically.

A good friend of mine pointed out how selfish my motivations for spending time with friends were the other day. That I wanted a return on an investment. She was totally right. I did want something in return for time spent with friends.

I realize, however, that this is human. Humans have to be "recharged" in some way. You either invest in people and hope they are there to invest in you, or you isolate yourself emotionally from everyone everywhere and live a lonely existence.

My heart really is to meet the needs of those around me. But when I meet the needs of my friends, or people who I truly consider my friends, I do have this unwritten expectation that they will eventually meet my needs when the need arises.

But that doesn't always happen.

And so tonight, as I was talking to God, the author of life, about this, I realized that the only way to continually give of yourself as is if you keep going back to God to be recharged.

That is the ONLY way.

Of course, even Jesus had friends he relaxed with. There is a balance, but the recharging of our spirit by being connected with the God who loves us, and created us, is the only way I can continually pour that love to other people. And that "recharging" takes a different form for every person. Some people HAVE to get back in the Bible. Some people HAVE to worship with music. Some people HAVE to draw, or get into nature, or whatever. But the point is that I can't do it without Him filling me first.

I apologize to any and every person, friend or not, that I have not poured unconditional love upon. I recognize that I'm human, but I also know that with Christ as the focus, and the CENTER of my life, I can do it. But I'm not totally there yet. I have a lot of issues to sort out before I'm at that point, but please, have patience with me. I am trying, and I'm just not God. He just loves me, and I love Him. It's only by spending time with Him that I become like Him.

Enough for tonight.