What do you do?

What do you do when you want God so bad, but you don't hear him speak? I just keep pushing in, but it is hard sometimes, because you start to question if you are "okay" with Him, if you're "doing" enough. And eventually he either speaks out of his love and mercy for us, or you give up and just relax and realize you can't "do" anything to please God anyway.

Life is SO much easier when I just GIVE UP and realize God is WITH ME!!!!

I need food.

What I'm thankful for today.

Money.
Sun.
The opportunity to minister at Casa de Paz
The knowledge that Christ has not left me, isn't mad at me, and loves me dearly.
Kids.
My parents.
Travis.
Brandon.
All my family, like little Gabe, Alex, and not Addy.
My "community". Kristy, Lindsay, all the girls and guys, Kleebs, Joe.. everyone!
My "salsa community" Tony, Parul, Ruth, Fernando, Julie... everyone!!
Sopra Sotto
The ability to have my own business, that I enjoy
God's mercy on my life.
The fact that I'm not left to myself! (YAY GOD!!!!)
The belief that God is in this new band that I have, and the absolute amazement and what He's creating through us.
The incredible, unsurpassable love of Jesus!!!
The beauty I still feel thinking about Jamaica, and all the other trips I've been blessed to be a part of.
Mexico.
Mexicans!!!
Food!

Death to myself...

I am becoming more like Jesus. I am dying to myself. His will is NOT my will. But I give myself to His will for my life.

God, give me grace for this week. Help me to get everything edited quickly and perfectly.

Thank You, Jesus.

Lakeland, FL

I'm not one to jump on the latest Christian revival. Most of them seem to get tainted with the hand of man, and I have issue with that.

I have a family I am very dear to who have been incredibly transformed by the latest revival in Lakeland, FL. I originally saw some video of it and was unimpressed. Looked like Benny Hinn with more contemporary worship music when I first saw it. And I don't like Todd Bentley's style. Personal opinion, but I recognize that God cares nothing for style.

Tonight I decided to do some more research on it, and logged onto Godtube.com to look up a few videos. I found one that was very interesting to me. It was a video of testimonies. Testimonies of people healed. That is something you don't see a lot with Benny Hinn, and I have tried to find them a little bit. But these were testimonies with medical documents included- JUST what I've been looking for!!!!

I am in a purging state. God is refining me, letting the impurities float to the surface and scraping them away. The gold will remain.

I am more open to Lakeland then I have ever been. God, get us, HERE!!!

Many things!

I have been doing this new thing lately where I will start the day by assuming the best about God. For example, I say to God, "God, no matter what happens today, I'm going to assume that you are good. No matter what my emotions say." Or, "God, I'm going to assume that you love me today, no matter what happens."

It's amazing how much better life is!

I feel like I am on "the path" right now, which, I guess, basically just means that I am focusing on Jesus and following Him right now, and wanting to do so more. Probably why I feel so good!

I'm living out of boxes until I close on the house June 6th. A small price to pay. Although I finally got my first real good sleep in a month last night (since moving in with Joe). I found a way to put my feet under his armrest of his couch, so I can finally fit my whole body on there. I FINALLY feel rested!!! YAY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Been really researching and praying about community and what it means lately. It is scary, because this really is an experiment in learning how to love like Jesus. I'm not really good at that yet, so I expect a lot of big chunks to be broken off of me as God carves me into an image of Himself. I'm also excited to see the end result. God bless me, and the other members of this community, as we learn how to live together in Your love. Amen.

It has been interesting watching people respond when I tell them of this latest experiment. There is little way of not making it come out seeming cultish or weird. "Yeah, I bought a house with a guy who is a friend of mine and we're going to fill it with guy friends of ours. We bought the house because a girl in our group of friends bought a house and she's filling it with girl renters that are our friends. We want to have meals together, and just hang out all the time and 'be' the church." Seriously. You should try it once. It's fun! :-D I mean, just telling someone that. I think my first reaction would be "Oh-oh. Sounds like a cult." But, we all go to different Christian churches, some Baptist, some non-denominational, some pentecostal, some charismatic, and we all know what it's about, (the value of relationships) so that is all that matters. Hopefully we can be a model on how to do it right in a world that is filled with examples of how to do it wrong.

I'm finding more and more friends who live in that area, though! Yay!!! Phil Francis, Ryan Hawley, and a couple more people.

I think I'll get outside.