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Justin's Daily (sometimes) Journal

Contact Justin at HAWLEYJ on aol IM or justinhawley@hotmail.com on MSN Messenger, or just call him at 507-202-0715!

12-20-04

Well, it has been 2 years since I updated this journal! So much for the "daily" part! Ha ha! Let's see. In the last 2 years, the following has happened:

1. I have been instrumental in following God in creating a Christian nightclub called "Brick and Amp". This has been one of the joys of my life!

2. I started managing an artist named Ellen. I feel like I have been created to work with her, and in under a year she is at a point where most musicians dream of. It's been absolutely amazing to see God work on our behalf!

3. No wifey yet. I have some great online friend stories, (yeah, I finally bit the bullet and tried it) but nothing that has developed into a relationship.

Those are the highlights. Winter is here and it sucks!!!!!!!! Colder than a joke at the democratic convention, and I praise God I can work from my house. Thank you, Jesus!

If anyone reading this wants to pray for me, feel free! Family to draw closer to Jesus is my biggest prayer. Thanks!

12-25-02

A remarkable thing happened with Dawn 1 week into the courtship. One night I was praying, a bit confused, to Jesus, saying, "God, I am sick of thinking about this. If she can make it 9 months, I'll marry her, if not, I won't." I left it at that. I wrote it down, and went to bed.

The next day, Dawn called me, and told me that she wasn't comfortable with a 9-month committment. Even though it wasn't really a committment, it was fascinating to see God work in our lives in such a quick, and straightforward way!

So what are my impressions of "courtship?" So far, I am absolutely impressed!! It seems to me to be a safe situation that God can work through, as two people try to sort out their feelings and, most importantly, His will. For the first time in my life, I am still really close with a person whom I was in a serious relationship with after we decided that it wasn't going to work. We still call each other often, and truly still do love each other as a brother and sister in Christ. Kudos, Lord!

I have been looking for other work recently. I totally have enjoyed owning Hawley Productions, but I want something better paying, or at least more consistent, for a few years. To pay some debt off, and get my life a few more options. Right now I have the time and flexibility in that way, but not financially.

12-16-02

On the 11th, Dawn Marquette and I decided to give a "courting" relationship a try. (She calls it "Super friends") :-). Whatever you want to call it, for the next 9 months we will basically consider whether or not we are compatible. It has been such a long, hard road up until this point, and I still do not know what to think, feel, or do about her. Right now she is my closest friend. And I have wanted to be with her forever. And if God gives me a peace about marrying her, I will jump on it like there is no tomorrow. That's all I want. I could really use prayer from anyone who reads this. I just so desperately want to walk perfectly in His will, and I don't want to go somewhere He is not!! (And neither does she!) The thing I am the most afraid about is marrying her if it is not God's will, and stopping God's perfect plan for her life, let alone my own. She has got SO many incredible gifts, and I don't want to get in the way, at ALL, of her spiritual growth. I just want to BLESS her. But then again, this could just be my own insecurity at work, considering sometimes I find it hard to believe that anyone would want to, or even could, spend an entire life in service to God with me, or even more so, that God could use me in a marriage situation to bless a person more than if they were just single, and walking a radical path of faith with just Him. Isn't that weird? I guess in the past I have somewhat romanticized the idea of just walking along this planet with no other responsibilities, ties, or anything other than hearing God's voice, and doing it from one strange and awesome situation to the next. But how realistic is that? Maybe what God desires from us is to walk into a situation where we will take a lifelong responsibility. I guess that is what scares me. Well, that is one thing that scares me. This is something else that also terrifies me- What if I am rejected? I still struggle with this because of my lonely childhood and teen years. It seems like 1/2 of my life was filled with rejection after rejection. What if am terrible at it, and she bolts? I can NOT take that much rejection in one lifetime.

Everything I've been praying for is now coming to pass, and I'm scared to death.

God, please speak to me directly about her! Please allow me to marry her! Thank you, Jesus! Amen!

I need to mention I did get a moped. $175 or so. It is an old Yamaha QT-50. Can't even make 30 mph. I think I should have waited, actually, I may have jumped the gun and missed out on a bigger blessing.

Business is just plain weird. Many clients are not paying me when they should, and I don't have a lot of new clientelle coming in right now. But, God is good, and I know He is in control. I AM the head. NOT the tail.

OH!! I almost forgot!! ANOTHER JUSTIN HAWLEY e-mailed me!!! Here are his first and second e-mails:

1st e-mail:

Howdy Justin! This is Justin, too! I'm 28, soon to be 29. I live in Grand Rapid, MI. Thought you'd like to know!

Have a nice day.

Cordially,

Justin Hawley

2nd e-mail:

Hey Justin,

Good to hear from you. As far as the webpage goes....no, I don't have one. Perhaps someday.

I work for an excavator as an heavy equipment operator. I run big scrapers and dozers for new building sites, highways, as well as a fair share of gravel pit reclamation or opening up new pits.

I'm married to a wonderful gal named Nicole. We have 15 month old son, and another on the way. We are also in the process of building a new home.

Take care,

Justin

ISN'T THAT COOL!!!! Someday I'm going to have a "Justin Hawley reuinion"!!

4-14-02

God is so good. Spring is finally here, I believe. I saw the buds on trees today, and went out to the woods to see an amazing assortment of wildlife. Turtles sunning themselves on logs and the sides of the bank, beavers or some kind of mammel, dragonflies. It was like it was a children's book.

Ryan Sprenger has been staying around town lately and is finished with college. This is a great break from the bit more lonely reality that I had known before. Words always seem so harsh, so don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or lonely in a major way. But having no wife, and no friends to whom you can relate to in the meantime who aren't married is very solitary at times. I'll enjoy it while I can! ;-)

What else. God's been moving my business into more opportunities. This month I will hopefully be finishing up the Jeff Barber Zumbrota sculpture project, the Nature Experiences website, and there are multiple days of revival meetings with Wind and Fire Christian Center. I also am finishing up some website updating.

The Disque family has been blessing me tremendously lately. They gave me some more girl scout cookies for free, and then the same day gave me a $50 gift card to Hy-Vee. After I had spent that, they sneaked another $25 gift certificate into my Bill Johnson order form box. I have been so blessed by them! God, keep them from reading this, and BLESS THEM MIGHTILY!!

I'm still praying for a wife, a moped (make it a two-seater!), and I really would like to be able to excercise by playing paintball this summer.

3-28-02

It's been rough lately. More and more I feel weaker spiritually. Not in terms of denying Christ, but that I can't live life without his help. I can feel how much I need a "help meet" for me, as the Bible says. A wife would really help me to see more of Christ and also take away the lingering sense of lonliness that has crept in since Sorlie and many of my friends have either left or gotten married. I can't blame anybody, not that I would, but I reallly, Lord, need a wife. Or at least very close friends who will stick around.

God help me!

2-11-02

God has been leading me to move all of my equipment into the Mt. Zion offices. I am going to start recording youth worship, and hopefully become more involved in an area that God has blessed me with that I can happily use for Him. I truly believe this is a God-ordained move, and am very interested in seeing what God will do with it!!

12-29-01 3:03 a.m.

I went to South Dakota for a few days near Christmas this year. I talked extensively with Grandma Marie Hawley about geneology and her life in general. For some reason this has become fascinating for me, and I have started to put what I have started to collect online. It is constantly being added to as I am able, but is for now found here. For some reason this just simply fascinates me. A distant relative had been collecting information for years before she died, and published her findings in a small, uncopyrighted book, which I have basically taken and started to put online. I will add to it as I can, and it should be fun for my relatives to add their own pages to the genealogical tree. By the way, I just learned today that "genealogy" is the proper way to spell it. Oops! I have a bit of correcting to do.

Anyway, when I got back I was talking to my good friend Matt Erwin, who was doing basically the same thing, but with all of his old contacts, calenders, etc. And when I talked to Pastor Rod I found out that he is now doing the same thing, and he never had a desire nor the means to do it before this Christmas break. Weird! Seems like everyone is getting into genealogy! Maybe God has a reason.

12-7-01 1:32 a.m.

God helped me to get the pain-in-the-pants e-mail addresses for the State Theatre website configured today. It's been about a two week battle and THANK YOU JESUS!!! Now I just have to get my parents set up with Outlook Express and they are in the know! This is a testimony in itself. Thank you, JESUS!

12-4-01

Today, although unknown to most of the nation due to the silencing work of the devil in the media, the leaders of our country met behind closed doors for "A National Day of Reconciliation." The point of this event was to seek the face of God, and to repent, pray, and ask His blessing on America. The ONLY people allowed at this meeting were members of Congress, the President, and members of the Supreme Court. No TV cameras or reporters were even allowed inside. It was a voluntary meeting. I don't recall a time since Abraham Lincoln that such a thing has happened, and I am not only pleased beyond words, but honored to see our national leaders seek the best for America by humbling themselves before God- although such a thing was not only common in the first 20 years of our nations history, but actually the norm. Many people do not realize that George Washington said it was, "..our duty to elect only Christians into public office." Or that many state Constitutions made it a requirement. Or that political points were not argued based on popular opinion or shakey logic, but by scripture.

Someday, hopefully in my lifetime, we will see the return of America to her roots. I, for one, will fight to regain the peace of soul and spirit so well represented in Norman Rockwell paintings, and immortalized in the words of the overwhelming majority of our Founding Fathers. A nation based on Christ is my heritage, and I'm proud of that fact.

12-01-01

God has been teaching me over the last few days about His love for me. I'm still reeling from what I believe was my best Thanksgiving ever. The quality of edifying, fun time with my family was beyond comparison.

One real way He has been showing me his love for me is through the kids in the family I now live with. Samantha (Sammy) is about 2, and Katriel is about 5 months old. The other day, when my perception of God's love was way off, Sammy saw me and said "Justin!" and ran up to me with her arms open. I scooped her up and she just cuddled there sucking on her thumb.

Something about that experience changed my heart (again). Sammy just likes me. She just cares for me and doesn't care about anything of the past. She sees me, and she runs to me with her arms open. That is just like God's love toward me. The odd thing about God is that since Adam and Eve ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, we have a hard time approaching God because our logical minds are in overdrive. It doesn't make logical sense that by looking at Sammy and not even focusing on God that I could feel closer to Him than in months. But that is one of the ways God works.